Heartbreak Warfare

This is a hard post to write about, because I feel more exposed than normal. There is always a risk to writing about matters of the heart.

Let me be completely honest with you. This week I was challenged. The issues I struggle with most came at me, full speed, like in tennis when the machine spits balls at you too fast too react. (especially when u are bad at tennis like me) This is how my life felt this past week, one tennis ball after another flying right in my direction, hitting me from every angle. When you pray to God for brokenness and humility, be prepared for Him to step in and show you all the areas in your life where you have failed miserably. Just admitting to you how I have failed is humbling in itself. Life can be painful.

Like John Mayers new song "Heartbreak Warfare", heartbreak warfare is disappointing and no one ever wins. I will not go into the details but there is someone who I care about that I hurt, and sadly, that person hurt me deeply as well. I had been clinging so tight, placing all my faith in a person, only to be sadly disappointed. But God gave me the ability to LET GO. I feel like God is wiping my slate clean, so that I can start over again, move on. Look ahead and not behind. God has the power to redeem us, to rid us of the sin in our lives and all that is holding us back, even ongoing things. For me, it was a relationship. But I now have so much peace in letting go, forgiving, and admitting where I was wrong.

I learned that "every action has an equal and opposite reaction." No one is exempt from falling into temptation. I didnt realize until now the extent of my actions and how much I hurt someone I care about. I fell so far down that I felt like the hole was too deep to climb out of. I realized how far from perfect I am, and that I should stop trying to pretend that I am. Now I can appreciate God's grace in a whole new way because I know that I need Him, more than I knew before.

As i was singing in Raleigh worship on Tuesday night I looked around the room and realized that all of us are in the same boat. None of us are exempt. We struggle. We make mistakes. Let us not judge, but instead learn how to support and love each other better.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." -James 1:2-4

"But above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins"

"Take heart I have overcome the world"

I am so thankful that God addressed these areas of my life, broke my heart, and showed me how much I need Him. He wiped out everything and showed me how to love and forgive better. Such a beautiful thing!

So I challenge you to ask God how He can work in your life to transform you into the person He wants you to be. What is holding you back? And how can you love better?

~Nel